Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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