I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize