Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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