I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
