the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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