don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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