wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
