Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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