just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
