Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
