He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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