And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
