If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
