i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
