During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
