After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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