if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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