i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
