yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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