I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
