biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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