I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
