every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
