there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
