when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
