i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
