Small penises have feelings too.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
