$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
