you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
