On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
