Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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