I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
