its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
