i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
