i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You've changed since you got that strap on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize