No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
