Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
