so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have fence marks all over my body
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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