Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
