It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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