does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
