to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
