listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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