sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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