I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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