never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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