I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
