told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My bed smells like the plague
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
