I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize