he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
