I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
