i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I looked at my own cervix.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
