note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
