He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
