Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize