You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
