Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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