Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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