I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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