You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
