Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
