You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize