At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
