I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
