Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
