i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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