im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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