plz talk dirty to me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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